When I was 8, an orthopaedic surgeon told me that I was going to live to 150 – which made me sad. What a young age to die!

I have a few years to go, but when 150 does sadly come, I have the following request. I would like to be cremated and my ashes flushed down a loo in Dublin Castle, Camden, while its sound system plays isn’t it great to be alive by Spearmint.

I’ve been telling people this for the last decade or so and they think I’m joking. I hereby do solemnly swear to future readers of whatever the internet has become, I’m not joking. Make it so. Thanks.